I mean, we’re using the term stars pretty fucking liberally aren’t we? We’re about 2 or 3 seasons away from having the Octo-Mom be the number one attraction on this shitty show. In the 14th season of the show we’re beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel. In fact, I think we’re trawling the sewers at this point to dig up these “stars”.
When you don’t recognize or have never heard of at least half of the “stars” on the show, I think it’s safe to say they’re not stars. Some of these people aren’t even the stars of their OWN profession, let alone being a nationally recognized star. Take Donald Driver for instance, I mean… he’s a good receiver in the NFL. But is he a star? The guy was a SEVENTH round draft pick and has been playing in the league since 1999! He’s made a whopping THREE Pro Bowls in his 75 year career, holy shit watch out for this guy! Oh ya, he’s still playing. He might be the fourth best receiver on his OWN TEAM yet we’re calling him a star?
Then you’ve got other mega stars such as Jaleel White. I know what you’re thinking right now, “who the fuck is Jaleel White?”. He’s that nerdy kid Urkel from Family Matters, and if we’re airing this show in 1995, you’ve probably got a decent star. But since then, Jaleel hasn’t done shit, at least not anything that you’ve actually seen. Oh wait, he was in Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus and Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. I guess he’s a viable star after all.
The Dancing With The Stars cast is broken up into 3 categories.
1) They may have been a C or D-List celebrity at some point in their career.
2) That name sounds familiar.
3) I have no fucking clue who that person is, I’m looking right at them with their name clearly displayed below and it’s not ringing any bells whatsoever.
So, it’s time for a name change. Clearly it can’t be called Dancing With The Stars anymore because frankly, where are the fucking stars? So, let me propose some new names, I’ll throw down a few and you can add your own suggestions in the comments below.
“Dancing With People You May or May Not Have Heard Of”
“Dancing With D-Listers”
“Dancing With People Who You Thought Died a While Ago”
“People Dancing on TV”
“Dance Dance Revolution”
“The Show You Watch While The Voice Is On Commercial”
So those are just a few names I could think of off the top of my head, what do you think? Do you have any suggestions for a new name? Or do you think the show’s current title is adequate with the current lineup of stars such as Jack Wagner, Roshon Fegan, and William Levy?